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While most mainstream horror movies these days are remakes starved for one good idea, Cody crams enough ideas for two or three movies into this one.

The problem is none of the threads tie together, while Karyn Kusama isn’t up for the job of pulling together a dark comedy.

Even Cody’s pop culture powdered dialogue reaches the point where you can see the tampon joke coming before the characters do. Amy Sedaris is criminally underused as Amanda Seyfried’s mom, while Megan Fox — who may never appear in a movie with this much prestige again — is criminally miscast as a girl who speaks.

“Hell is a teenage girl,” reveals Anita “Needy” Lesnicky (Amanda Seyfried) from behind the walls of a mental institution.

The band’s pretty boy lead singer Nikolai Wolf (Adam Brody) sizes Jennifer up as the virgin they’ve been looking for and when the bar burns down in a blaze, makes off with a disoriented Jennifer in his van. Low Shoulder rockets to fame as a result of the fire and their song “Through the Trees” becomes the town anthem as people work to overcome the tragedy.