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As a high school student, I wondered if I would someday be intrepid or—as these women were not-so-subtly stigmatized as—desperate enough to enter this uncharted world. I’m an online dating veteran with hundreds of virtual and dozens of in-person exchanges under my belt. According to the Pew Research Center, 11 percent of all Americans who use the Internet have used an online dating site, and that number jumps to 38 percent among people who are single and looking.

He does, in fact, regularly grab his dates’ buttocks without permission, and like a blue-balled high schooler tells one lady, “Don’t be such a prude.”He tells one lucky lady, “I have a dog’s tongue.

I will rock your world.” He later speaks about his penis completely unprompted: “It’s not that long. It’ll get in there.” Then, during the post-date interview, he makes the image way worse (and contradicts himself): “I’ve got a salami that’s smooth, long, and tasty in my pants.” What possesses him to think that women will find his penis analogies appealing is unclear, but his constant reminder that he used to be overweight make suggests a host of insecurities driving his wildly inappropriate dirty talk.

He has the sketchiest and vaguest professional pursuits; he’s a car salesman who dabbles in his father’s bail bond business.

(The scene of him muting calls during a workday afternoon while scanning online dating photos of only women with bikini shots is really all the evidence you need.)The lines that Alex, or “Prime Time99,” spouts are stand-alone gems: “This girl is an alcoholic. I like that.” and “Someone who has that much insecurity to lie online is probably easy to sleep with.” Unsurprisingly, he’s as sexually aggressive as one would expected a man who claims “a little ass grab here or there never hurt nobody” to be.